This is an article I wrote a while back to apply for a job as a columnist. I didn’t get the job and I always feel a bit bummed out when I’ve worked hard on something that has, ultimately, lead to nothing. But such is the life of a wannabe writer. Sigh. Time to pick myself up, dust myself down and keep on at it. At least you guys now get to read it. Enjoy! If I was a sheep mommy or daddy, I’d be locking up my daughters about now. It’s tupping time  - the season for some serious sheep lovin’. As we are eagerly opening the first doors on our advent calendars, sheep are out having a total boink fest. Rams are off smearing their raddle on the fleece of many a ewe. And that is not a ewe-phemism. Good for them. You may be wondering how I have such knowledge of sheep mating rituals. Maybe I’m a thwarted sheep farmer or maybe I have some weird fetish. The latter is the closest description, though fear not, I do not get aroused by the sight of ovine carnal activity. The site of Matt Baker paddling a kayak along the Thames is an all together different matter. Yes, I have a problem. I am a Countryphile. Sunday night TV has always been my dirty little secret. I’m going to whisper this because all my liberal hipster buddies might overhear and I’ll lose my hard-earned cool points (quelle beast): I really love Antiques Roadshow, Last of the Summer Wine and even *gulp* Songs of Praise. Most of all I love Country File. These are TV programmes that I don’t really understand, they offer nothing I can possibly relate to. The most valuable thing I own is a copy of the[.....]

Mop of wild yet subtly groomed hair? Check. Statement coat with vintage references? Check. Incongruous choice of footwear? Check. A penchant for natty neck wear? Check. Well done, Sir! You can now go and star in your own action packed BBC comedy drama. Dr Who, Sherlock and now Dirk Gently: the quirkly dressed male protagonist with ‘unconventional’ methods is taking over our screens. But why are producers so keen to draw a link between a brilliant mind and a bold wardrobe? My general rule is that anybody with wacky and outlandish dress sense tends to be a bit of a dick (Gaga included. Oooh! Controversial!). That’s not to pass any judgement on their crime solving abilities or skills at the control panel of a time machine. They always strike me as so eager to ‘express their otherness’ through superficial signifiers that they forget about the important stuff, such as original thought and personality. Granted; the same rules don’t apply in telly land. It relies on caricatures. An unconventional wardrobe is a handy visual shorthand for an unconventional mind. Yet whilst for wackily dressed women this normally means unbearable and unhinged ditziness, for men it equals brilliance. This is a relatively recent phenomenon. Any aficionado of mid to late nineties American teen movies will recall that the guy who turned up to prom wearing trainers with his tux was normally a complete ass-hat. Ducky in ‘Pretty in Pink’ is another fine case in point. But I digress. I blame David Tennent and Jarvis Cocker. Or at least the person who decided to dress David Tennent like Jarvis Cocker in Doctor Who. Cocker is a well dressed chap and Tennent is a total hotty. Thus, Tennent in the wardrobe of Cocker equals amplified hotness. The glasses! The dowdy geography teacher striped suits![.....]