English tourist attractions are, in the main, naff. Any destination that feels the need to mention toilets and free parking in their promotional materials is clearly scraping the barrel of fun. The thing is, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Our attractions are naff, but it is all part of their charm. I love an on-site tearoom and gift shop (normally flogging over priced shortbread, lavender sachets and rubber tipped pencils). I love the way all the leaflets claim to be ‘fun for all the family, come rain or shine!’. Give me a donkey sanctuary, model village or cider farm over Disneyland any day.
Here is the Bookish Brunette guide to some of the finest examples of English (and a bit rubbish/weird) tourist attractions
Bakelite museum and tea room – Williton, Somerset
Did you know they have a museum dedicated to ‘Bakelite and vintage plastics’? Here’s proof. The promotional leaflet contains one of my favourite ever visitor testimonials:
“I felt I had lost my memory until today” M & G Cooke, Swindon
Cool. A museum that cures memory loss. Forget about Lourdes, Williton in Somerset is the new miracle must-go destination. Also scores extra points for including the tearoom in the attraction name, no mucking about here.
Bunnyland and guinea pig paradise – Yorkshire
Take me there. Now.
Cumberland Pencil Museum – Keswick, Lake District
You get to see the world’s first ever pencil. Cool, huh? I’ve been twice. It is that good. The first time I went, they claimed to have the world’s longest pencil but they now claim to have the world’s longest ever coloured pencil (7.91m long). Hmm…a subtle yet telling change me thinks. Another “perfect all-weather attraction”. And yes, it does have a coffee shop.
Dudley Zoo and Castle
Included out of fierce local loyalty. Some decent art deco animal enclosures and the flamingos are ace. Other than that, you’re probably best heading down the road to…
The Black Country Living Museum – Dudley, West Midlands
Hurrah! Welcome to “Britain’s friendliest open-air museum”. You can walk around a faithfully reconstructed town from ‘the good old days’. You can go down a coal mine, have fish and chips, pop into the pub of the past for a pint… the nostalgia trip opportunities are endless. You can also see my great-aunt’s fire guard in one of the living rooms.
Diggerland – Various UK locations
Go the website. Now. Listen to the jingle. I needn’t say any more.
Damn. We were in Keswick at Easter and decided against the Pencil Museum. Rats. We’ll just have to go back… I’ll back your selection of the The Black Country Living Museum though – very good fish and chips.